Lindsey Kukunda Aug. 30, 2021

Lindsey Kukunda describes in the last chapter of her blogpost series how she was able to free herself from the paralyzing situation she shared in the previous chapters of this series.


I would like to warn you in advance, reader, that I am not a doctor, nurse, pathologist or neurologist. So please take my opinions going forward as you please or not. I hope you find something that relates to you.

There are many categories of people with mental health issues. I have come into contact with alcoholics, drug addicts, bi-polar disorder patients and people with depression.

They tend to be kind. They tend to be empathetic. They’re highly creative if put in the right environment. They’re resilient with all the falling down and getting up over and over.

Reader: Oy! You said in the last chapter that you were going to talk about romance!

Myself: Oh. Erm…I did?

Reader: Yes!

Crap. I’d hoped no one had noticed. Fine.

“When will you get it through your thick head….my home is your home?”

Those words were my undoing for my insisting on being ‘independent’ from him. But there was something about the way he said them that finished me completely and I moved in with him.

It is a pathetically typical story. Older man meets naïve younger girl, waits until she’s well and truly hooked before his true colors come out, all the open cheating begins and this young girl forgets that she is not a tree, she has feet, she can go away but he has already isolated her from her friends and family and he is at least familiar and how will she make a living for herself? She’d put her dreams and work on hold to keep his home.

Sad, ‘innit? By the time he asked her to leave his house, she’d somehow found the strength to call an Uber. She was returning to her mother’s house. A failure.

I have been referring to myself in the third person because it detracts from the pain of that experience but I’m good now.

I held a birthday party a few weeks after I left him. Only two people I knew came, the other two being friends. I had prepared food and drinks for 150 people. I wondered what had happened to my life.

I started off focusing on work, and found to my surprise that if I applied myself I was great at it. I was a good leader and an out of the box thinker. The problem was getting my constantly busy head to settle in one place. But all will be well, because all has been well so far.

I surprised myself by waking up between 4:00 am and 5:00 every morning for thirty minutes of meditation and thirty working out. In the beginning, I cursed the earth for existing but over time, the benefits of routine meditation and exercise yields numerous results. It has helped me control my racing thoughts to the point where I can sometimes get things done. My team helps me with the rest.

Acceptance would be what has been one of my saving graces. Accepting that I have no control, accepting that what happens is meant to be and usually for a very good reason, accepting that we all have problems and you reader, are no different from me or anyone else mentioned in this series.

It has been my pleasure writing for you. I hope this glimpse into my mind and my life is being seen by whoever needs to see it.